Love is Patience

摘自文学城飞花落梦博客·

在有些事情上，孩子是有时候会让父母感到非常恼火。不听话，顶嘴，使小性子。。。不一而论，有些孩子很少如此，有些孩子几乎每天都有类似的行为，大多数孩子是在其间。象父母一样，孩子也会有糟糕的日子和快乐的日子，他们只是孩子，总会有些出格或是难以让成人认可的行为。我更乐意把这些行为看成是司空见惯的，因为所有孩子都是这样的，唉，他们只是孩子！

反过来说，不管这些令人恼火的行为是不是普遍的，他们还是磨得我们的神经发痒。然而还有一些更让父母头疼的孩子行为不是普遍常见的，而是后天形成的。这些行为，包括编造故事，说谎，羞辱别人等类似的事情。

然而怎样的事实，父母必须面对，去处理这些行为。由此引来向孩子怒吼这个话题，很多父母用怒吼来解决那些问题，这似乎成了教育孩子的一种方式。当孩子顶嘴，父母会向他吼，“你竟敢顶嘴？”或是孩子打了弟弟妹妹，父母会吼着制止他，“你怎么敢打你的小妹？”无意识里觉得吼是制止他们的好办法。真的有效吗？偶尔罢了。一个听惯了吼叫的孩子就会学着忽略父母的吼叫。不能认为用这样能制止一个没怎么被吼过的孩子的坏行为就可以说这是教导孩子的好办法，吼叫压根就不在教导孩子的范畴，它更是一种惩罚，为什么呢，接着读。

让孩子学会纪律这个过程是平和的，需要有积极鼓励的一面，这要通过父母和孩子的交流，告诉孩子为什么有些行为是不被接受的，而不只是简单给他们一个结论。一个自律良好的孩子不是被吼着教成的，他们没有被严厉批评或责备，当然他们也不会感到被羞辱，不会感到羞耻和被贬低。而向孩子吼叫则会让孩子有这些非常幅面的感受，让他们感到他们是坏孩子。让孩子学会自律的教导是平等的对话交流，甚至都不是单方面的训话。

向你的孩子吼叫会吓坏并伤害他们，长期的影响是让他们自我形象变低，自我感觉很糟糕，缺少自控力，易冲动，情绪化，缺少耐心，或有其他更多心智问题。被吼着长大的孩子也更容易在将来这样对待他们自己的孩子，他们也会反过来这样对待父母。你小时候被父母长期吼过吗？如果是，那就不奇怪你自己也是这样的父母了，找时候认真回想一下，你是怎样感到被伤害的。吼叫其实是一个习惯，从今天开始，为了你的孩子，改掉这个恶习吧。

 

 

Damages and Effects Caused by Yelling at Your Children

The Truth About Yelling at Your Kids

 

There are certain things that children do that just rub parents the wrong way. Not listening, talking back, giving attitudes...these are things that all children will do at one time or another. Some children behave this way only once in a great while, while others behave this way on a daily basis. Most fall in-between. All kids have good days and bad days. All parents do too. Kids are kids and they are bound to "act up" or act unacceptably daily. I like to call these behaviors universal child behaviors. Universal because all children act like, well, children!

Either way, whether those pesky little behaviors are universal or not...they can and do still grate at our nerves. Then there are the more serious child behaviors that are not universal, but rather learned. Learned behaviors include tattle tailing, lying, name calling, and the like. These behaviors can be very frustrating for parents to deal with.

That's the thing. Parents have to deal with behaviors. That's where the subject of yelling comes in. Yelling is one way that many parents deal with unacceptable child behaviors. They use yelling like it's a form of discipline. A child talks back and the parents yells at them telling them "Don't you talk back to me", or a child hits a sibling and the parents yells "Don't you hit your sibling", thinking that their yelling will make the child stop. Does it make it stop? Sometimes. A child who is yelled at on a daily basis will learn to ignore their parents yelling. Just because the child who is never yelled at stops the behavior that does not mean that yelling is an effective form of discipline. Yelling is not an acceptable form of discipline because it is not discipline. Yelling falls under the category of punishment. Why? Read on.

Discipline is calm, and gentle. Discipline has a nurturing tone of voice. Discipline teaches through communication. When a parent disciplines a child for acting unacceptably they are teaching their child why the behavior is unacceptable, not just that it is. A child who is disciplined is never yelled at. They are not scolded or reprimanded. They are not called names or insulted. They are not made to feel shamed or belittled. Yelling makes children feel all of those things. Yelling makes good kids feel like bad kids. A child who is disciplined is talked to and with, not ever at.

Yelling at your kids can both scare and scar them. The long-term effects of yelling include poor self image and esteem, lack of self control, impulsiveness, anger and temperament issues, lack of patience, and mental childhood issues. Also, parents who yell at their children often will most likely have children that yell at their children. If you yell at your children a lot they will learn to yell back at you. Also, they will never learn to stop acting unacceptably because they have been yelled at rather than talked to and taught.

The point of this article is to help you to realize that there is another way other than yelling. I'd like for you, my reader and fellow parent, to understand the damage to children that can be caused by parental yelling. Were you yelled at as a child? If you yourself are a yeller that's why. Take a moment though to realize how it feels. Yelling is actually a habit. A bad habit. Break the habit now.